A new report has revealed that Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has secretly given birth to an alien spider from Hell that could threaten life on this planet. According to the report, immediately after birth, the creature ate the doctors alive and demanded free college tuition before leading police on a three state chase.
The revelation could affect the real estate mogul's chances of gaining his party's presidential nomination.
The report was published by ...
Oh, wait a minute. It was tabloid. And tabloids print ridiculous stuff that no one with half a brain would believe. I must not have checked carefully enough.