Jake's World: KY Democrats too right-wing

I love Jake (seriously). Here is his analysis of Tuesday's election:

This is how Kentucky voted, like it or not. It’s not some liberal utopia. The Commonwealth is where a majority of Democrats admit to voting on the basis of race. The state where Democrats made the 2004 anti-gay marriage amendment a reality. Kentucky is where Jack Conway ran as teabagger-light twice and got his ass handed to him by actual teabaggers both times.

My theory is that he also wrote the script for Greg Stumbo's election night speech. They are equally delusional.

Jake Payne, Constitutional scholar

Jake Payne at Page One, Kentucky criticized U. S. Senate candidate Matt Bevin today for not knowing "the difference between the Bill of Rights and the Constitution."

Huh?

The Bill of Rights is a part of the Constitution. It consists of the first ten amendments to it. The amendments to a document are part of the document. Otherwise, what are they amending?

Jake says Bevin "was clearly educated in one of Kentucky’s unfortunate school districts." It would be interesting to know which school Jake went to that taught him that the Bill of Rights was not part of the Constitution.

Heterophobic Jake warns of freak outs in the process of freaking out

Jake at Page One, in the process of freaking out over Rand Paul's statements in defense of marriage, predicts his detractors will "freak out."

Jake, who frequently terms people who disagree with him on gay rights as "gay haters," then accuses the senator of "homophobia," a gay hate term, and calls religious people "mouth-breathers" (another common gay hate term).

That's what happens when people freak out.

The Book of Jake, Chapter XIII, in which Jake waxeth hot concerning the evil thing which Steve Beshear hath done

Now it came to pass in that day that Steve Beshear, King of the Democrites, spoke unto the people saying, "We shall celebrate this day the writing of the King James Bible, and there shall be an entire month in which the King James Bible shall be celebrated, and there shall be feasting and gladness, and the whole kingdom shall celebrate this thing."

But when these words came unto the ears of Jake, a prince of the Liberalites (a tribe of people allied with the kingdoms of Sodom and Gammorah), he rent his garments and became wroth and sware exceedingly, and made an oath against Steve Beshear, and blogeth against him, saying that the King had done evil in the sight of Jake and that the celebration of the King James Bible was an abomination, and asked, "What crack hast thou smoked, O King, that thou wouldst make such a proclamation, saying 'We shall celebrate this day the writing of the King James Bible?'"

And so Jake called unto him the wise men from among the Liberalites to seek counsel concerning the evil thing which had been done by Steve Beshear, who had spake unto his people saying, "We shall celebrate this day the writing of the King James Bible," saying "Now therefore come, I pray thee, and give me counsel concerning this evil thing which Steve Beshear hath done, so that I may find the words to speak against the king this day so that we may prevent Steve Beshear from bowing down before this abomination."

But finding no wise men from among the Liberalites, the anger of Jake swelled within his breast and so he threw a tantrum, and spake maledictions unto Steve Beshear, saying that the King pandereth unto his people in that day when he hath said "We shall celebrate this day the writing of the King James Bible."

And so Jake foamed at the mouth and cursed Steve Beshear saying that his words had been spoken because he was loved by the Democrites only because he was not David Williams, King of the Republicrites, with whom the Liberalites had made war, and that, in saying "We shall celebrate this day the writing of the King James Bible," Steve Beshear had done greater evil than when he had bowed himself down and made obesience to Ken Ham and had made an alliance with the Hamites and had granted unto the Hamites thousands of shekels from the taxes of the people so that he might build for himself an altar unto the ark, with rides, in a park which the Hamites had resolved to build to worship this thing.

But the words of Jake reached only the ears of the Internites and the Politicites and the Journalites, whom in past times had listened to Jake, but had not hearkened unto his words. And so the King James Bible which Steve Beshear had proclaimed, saying, "We shall celebrate this day the writing of the King James Bible," was celebrated throughout the kingdom with gladness and joy.

In Defense of Myself

So now Jake over at Page One Kentucky has gone and said a vaguely nice thing about me over at his blog, and I can't figure out what to do. This has never happened before. I am trying to figure out what I have done to warrant this and how I should deal with the potential consequences of the idea getting around that I might actually not be the Devil himself.

This could very well ruin my reputation.

The occasion for Jake's comments is apparent criticism he is getting from the Gay Tolerance Police over the fact that he links to my blog.

All you gays constantly complaining that we dare link to Martin Cothran have got to be the biggest bunch of hypocrites we’ve encountered.

Who cares that we link to him? And who cares that we think his outlook on life is rather bogus? What the hell is so wrong with keeping up with the world and having a continued conversation – even with your critics and opponents?

And then this:

So we hope it blows their minds to have to admit he’s more cordial than half the people at KDP and more professional than a solid majority of the state legislature. Maybe they’ll throw up a little in their mouths and complain about something else for a few minutes.

I have made no secret of the fact that, despite his repeated fashion assaults on the quality of my wardrobe, I find Jake terribly amusing and Page One the most informative blog on state politics. And then he goes and does this.

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Why I follow Jake on Twitter

No sooner had I clicked to follow Jake Payne on Twitter than he posted the fact on his site. So I feel the need to explain how this all came about.

Not knowing much about all this social networking stuff, I discovered this thing called "Twitter." Naturally, not knowing more than I do about such things, I assumed it had something to do with twits, which sounded kind of interesting.

So I checked it out, and there Jake was.

Being a big fan of Jake, I of course don't know why he would be listed in such a place, but there you have it.

Can't beat this Internet thing.

Jake displays openly aggressive behavior on Rand Paul

Jake, a member of the species homo petulans (in more ways than one), has raised his tail and lowered his head over my comments about the reaction to Rand Paul's refusal to address a question about creationism in a speech to a home school audience last Friday.

I simply observed that the creationists in the audience responded in a more civilized and humanoid manner than the Darwinists, who, despite purporting to be members of a higher species, reacted with the aggressiveness that has come to characterize their behavior when faced with opinions differing from their own.

You would have thought I had poked a stick at them through the bars or something, their reaction was so frenzied.

Now I have been observing various liberal Darwinist societies for some time now, and can say with some authority that the subspecies inhabiting the Page One blog are among the loudest and most openly aggressive. This could possibly be the result of a vegetarian diet and their penchant for brie cheese and multi-grained bread.

The individual whom we call "Jake" seems to be the dominant male in the troop (although I am willing to listen to other theories as to gender), and he has taken the most aggressively hostile posture. When my comments were thrown into their cage, it was Jake who howled the loudest. I have taken the liberty, using various linguistic devices, to interpret his vocalizations and gestures and determined that he thinks we "hate" Darwinists "with great passion."

Now part of the problem with Page One society is the tendency of its members to jump to conclusions--conclusions which seldom logically follow. This provides additional evidence that their subspecies was an early deviation from the main human branch. This, of course, poses insurmountable difficulties when a group of them form together and try to run a blog.

I do not hate Darwinists. On the contrary, there are many of them of whom I am quite fond. In many cases they can be tamed and even housebroken, and make fine companions if they can be discouraged from their natural arrogance and dogmatism through stimulus and response training.

In Jake's case, that might involve the use of electric shock. But the benefits could be substantial.

White liberal Jake giving moralistic lecture. Read here.

Jake too, a White liberal over at Page One Kentucky, is giving moralistic lectures to Rand Paul. He too is a member of the party of George Wallace, Strom Thurmond, and former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard Robert C. Byrd.

I'm just trying to figure these guys out.

Page One pulls a punch

Well apparently Jake over at Page One did a post called "Cothran bigoted and anti-semitic," but when I click on the link from my Sitemeter, it goes to an error page. And a search of Page One yields nothing. Apparently, the post was taken down.

Darn, sounds like it would have been an exciting post. Wonder if the folks over there had a fit of conscience or something. Maybe they thought, "Hey, ya' know, maybe we better start practicing responsible journalism. Maybe we should actually start sticking to the facts rather than passing along rumors and stop engaging in hateful criticisms of people with disagree with, particularly when we are accusing them of being hateful."

Not.

C'mon, Jake, let us see it.

Heil Jake! The Tolerance Police on the Move Again

Jake at Page One Kentucky is once again marching at the head of the goose-stepping Tolerance Police, and his group of Brown Shorts is now heading for the campaign office of Renee True whose crime seems to be that she supports traditional marriage.

According to Jake, True once made a contribution to the campaign for the Marriage Amendment in 2004--and amendment which garnered more yes votes in Kentucky than any other amendment had votes for AND against.

But Jake isn't taking this standing up. He's laying down in front of True's electoral parade and protesting. Support for traditional marriage, according to Jake, disqualifies her from the office of PVA.

And what is so controversial about a political candidate supporting the most popular ballot initiative in Kentucky history?

Renee’s such a gay-hater she not only supported the anti-gay marriage amendment, she contributed financially to Kent Ostrander’s mess.

If she feels that strongly about an issue – that she financially supported writing discrimination into the constitution – what on earth makes anybody think she’s not going to discriminate or do something equally ignorant as an elected official?

All the Marriage Amendment did was to define marriage the way everyone has always defined it--up until recently when some, like Jake, wanted to change the definition: as between a man and a woman.

Folks, this is what we're in for from the gay rights extremists like Jake: if you believe in marriage as it has traditionally been defined, then you should be disqualified from holding public office.

Now it's interesting that there is nothing in the amendment that says anything about whether gays can hold office or do whatever they want. Yet Jake himself is for preventing anyone with a traditional view of marriage from public office.

Heil Jake!

Bible literacy unconstitutional? So says Jake

Not that we really want to attribute meaning and substance to the things that Jake says, but this is rather amusing:

It’s clearly unconstitutional to teach a Jesus Bible-only class in a public school.

Well, we don't know what "Jesus Bible-only" means. He certainly plays the major role in the thing, but why is it "clearly unconstitutional"? Jake doesn't say--probably 'cuz it really isn't.

Best. Jake Quote. Ever.

Jake, over at Page One Kentucky, which has made a name for itself uncovering controversial documents, passing on unverified rumors, and other general journalistic muckrakery, is now lecturing politicians on dignified behavior:

Also, shame on Jack Ditty for being such a corrupt hack. I don’t buy for a second that he wasn’t aware of the filming in progress.

This is a reference to an incident in which a companion of Ditty, State Sen. Robin Webb's Republican challenger, filmed her during their visit to her office, an action for which Ditty expressed disapproval.

Jake has not done these things before, of course. Largely because he doesn't have a camera. But the print equivalent of it occurs at his blog all the time.

Just sayin'.

Is Jake at Page One a Climategate denier?

Jake over at Page One takes another in a series of potshots at the Rand Paul campaign, this time for not genuflecting to the Global Warming alarmists. He quotes Paul campaign manager David Adams for calling Global Warming a "hoax."

Now why would Adams say this, particularly in light of new revelations about "Climategate": e-mails that have become public from the Climate Research Unit of the University of East Anglia (the source of much Global Warming hysteria) showing how climate researchers have spun the data on warming--data much which they cannot now produce, and commiserated in stifling opposing scholarly opinions on the issue, among other very naughty things for supposedly reputable scholars to do?

Come to think of it, we haven't seen anything on Jake's blog about Climategate. Looks like a Climategate denier to me.

The two sides of Jake

Okay, I'm going to make a big admission here. We actually enjoy Jake over at Page One Kentucky. We read his blog regularly. It has that National Enquirer appeal that we just can't resist. In fact, we think he is terribly funny, and we often find ourselves so amused by his posts that we larf and larf. Seriously.

He has also done many good deeds, including giving University of Louisville President James Ramsey regular booby prizes for his numbskull exploits to embarrass the university (and, by association, the state).

We've even considered giving him some kind of award for all of this, like maybe three or four free personal insults without a follow-up response from us. We might just have to make that his Christmas present.

The only problem is that Jake has this Jeckyl and Hyde thing going on. One moment he will attack the bad guys and then, after imbibing some potion unique to Page One (Well, maybe not entirely unique: they seem to drink the same stuff over at LEO), he shakes and shudders, grows hair all over his body, starts to howl at the moon, and attacks us--the good guys.

It's at these times that we must secure our doors and hide the family.

In a recent such fit, Jake, having boiled and mixed the right chemicals and chugged them down, accused us of not really caring about education and supporting mountain-top removal. These are obviously the charges of a man suffering under chemical induced delusions.

Do I really not care about education? In fact, I teach for a living. I am also a director for an online program which this semester boasts over 600 enrollments.

Do I really support mountain-top removal? In fact, I oppose it 200 percent. I think it should be outlawed. Period.

Someone, please, when he stops foaming at the mouth and the twitching subsides, tell Jake these things. Shake him, slap him a few times (give him a couple for me), and tell him where we really stand.

And for Heaven's sake, get him some help.

Answers for a confused Jake

Jake, over at Page One Kentucky, takes Yours Truly to task for making wry comments about Gov. Grinch, who decided the other day to replace the state Christmas Tree with a "Holiday Tree." Jake, who apparently sides with the Grinch on this one, asks:

Where are these alleged Christians when health services are cut? Where are these alleged Christians when education is cut? Where are these alleged Christians when the homeless are turned away? Where are these alleged Christians when rivers are being poisoned?

Let's see. Where do we start?

"Where are these alleged Christians when health services are cut?" Um, well, we might find them still writing charitable donation checks from their continually decreasing disposable income which is shrinking because the government is taking an in increasing share of it back to Washington where, after government bureaucrats take their percentage and then send it back here where they don't do as good a job as churches would have done it, they send it back here.

"Where are these alleged Christians when education is cut?" Let's see, how about continuing to pay for it even though many of them are sending their own kids to real schools and having to pay for that too?

"Where are these alleged Christians when the homeless are turned away?" Turned away from where? Church Homeless Shelters, at the order of government officials, like in New York City?

"Where are these alleged Christians when rivers are being poisoned?" How about condemning it on our blog when it happens?

And what, may we ask, is Jake doing about these things?

The Department of You Can't Fool Jake

Jake at Page One Kentucky is accusing the Republicans of secretly being publicly involved in the Tea Party tax protests. Those sly Republicans. Thinking Jake wouldn't notice the fact that they were against higher taxes after letting virtually everyone know about it.

No way. Not Jake.

Did the Republicans think they could fool the man who predicted there was no way Greg Stumbo could win the Speaker's post?

Why, when the public finds out the Republicans are against higher taxes, they'll, ... they'll, ...

The Page One Temperance Union

Well, they're all aflutter over at the offices of Page One Kentucky over news of scandalous behavior among state political leaders. Turns out there's been drinkin' going on at the Capitol.

Just when we thought that Jake would be celebrating his victories over the forces of Truth and Decency this last legislative session, all of a sudden he goes all moralistic on us. So he has pulled his hair back in a bun, put on his black dress and gloves, grabbed his hatchet, and headed for Frankfort to break up the legislative speakeasies he thinks are operating in the Democratic leadership offices of the State Capitol:

Kelly Flood, of course, Larry Clark, Bob Damron, John Will Stacy, Rocky Adkins, Greg Stumbo, Jeff Greer, Martha Jane King, Rick Rand, Tonya Pullin, Rick Nelson, Leslie Combs and Derrick Graham all took part in a capitol party– in Clark’s office suite– that involved alcohol, which is illegal to have at the capitol. All during the session and when many legislators in attendance were supposed to be in committee meetings.

And, according the schoolmarmish Jake, this isn't the only offense involving the Devil Alcohol in our state's hallowed halls:

According to several legislators (and a non-legislator source who tipped us off), Dennis Keene maintains a liquor cabinet inside his office at the capitol annex. And we think somebody needs to pay him (and anyone else with the same) a visit to find out why he’s breaking the law.

So scandalized is Jake that he has called on the poh-leece to investigate the illicit behavior.

Donations for the crusade can be made out to the Page One Kentucky Temperance Union.

Don't give me no hand me down coats

Jake is slimming down, which means it is now technically inaccurate to call him a "big fat liar." His detractors will now have to find another, more accurate term--but it's nice that they'll only have to change two of the three words.

I’m down to a size 36 suit jacket. From a 48. Anyone need some fancy jackets that are barely worn? Maybe Martin Cothran could use them for some sort of Family Foundation ritual?

I can't think of any immediate need I have in any of my rituals for Jake's hand-me-downs, but I am out of pins for my Jake doll. Maybe he could send me some of those.

Monday Evening Department of Jake Gets it Wrong Again

It's the strangest thing. Every time Jake at Page One Kentucky links to my blog, it shows up as a link at the bottom of my posts labeled "an informed, savvy take on media and politics in Kentucky," but every time I click on it, I get an ill-informed rant which inevitably involves accusing someone of being a closet homosexual.

"[A]ccording to most everyone we speak with in the State House," says the informed, savvy Jake, "Greg Stumbo IS, indeed, the stumbling block to the baby daddy bill [HB 28]."

I wonder if these are the same informants who told Jake that Stumbo WAS NOT, indeed, going to win the House Speaker's race. My theory is that Jake's informants are double agents trying to embarrass him.

You'd think he'd learn.

The continued search for intelligent life at Page One

Sigh.